No Moar Free Hugz

This last week at information security conference CraqPipeWest, security researchers Dr.Raid, Postmodern, CD and Pierce have all decided to make and live by the following mantra:

"NO MOAR FREE HUGZ"

This statement follows the annual conference's competition called Struggle2Snuggle, where in hackers compete to try and get as physically close as possible to girls who also attend the conferences. The contest works in 30 minute rounds, and at the end of each round the hacker who achieves the highest public display of physical interaction with a consenting female wins $50 cash for the round in addition to a free stick of AXE deodorant. The researchers were later quoted in interviews, after being asked about their views regarding the monetary value of hugs:

"No moar free hugz to me really means that these girls can't just expect to get a hug from me for free. I mean I spend time weaponizing my hugs - and I don't even really know what that means when I say it - but it sounds cool. This isn't something I do to make other people money, so they shouldn't be making money off of me. If we're going to be spending time hugging these beautiful women, they should be paying us" - Dr. Raid, Chief of Substance Abuse at Portland based SophSec Research Labs

"It's time that we recognize the effort that hackers have to put into being social like this. I don't smell good, and I bet you don't either. Do you think it's easy for us to hug women?" - Pierce, Manager of Useless Languages, SophSec Research Labs

"Women just don't like getting a beard rubbed in their face." - PostModern, another SophSec member stated before being escorted out of the conference by security for throwing a beer bottle at another attendee wearing a 'Got Root?' shirt.

"I'm actually not legally allowed to have contact with women who are not family, by court orders. This makes hugs really tough for me. Money is really the only thing that makes it worth the risk" - CD, Chief of Epic Lulz, SophSec Research Labs

These views were clearly not held solely by SophSec members, as demonstrated by the crowd who started to cheer on as the contest progressed. It would appear as though Information Security Industry as a whole has been making a collaborative move towards selling hugs to vendors. As time progresses this may open up entire new market places for vendors to exist, and may even spark hope for revitalizing a broken economy. Until next issue, this is Fail Nobra, reporting for Fired Magazine.